


The Revelation of Steve Rogers

by Messier_47



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Character Death, Hurt No Comfort, Infinity War mentionings, M/M, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Thanos appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 23:18:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11278833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Messier_47/pseuds/Messier_47
Summary: Steve Rogers can take a motherfucking hint.It just takes seventy years, a whole load of ice, Hydra, and a couple of wars to make him accept it.[Or where the snake let go of it's tail because no more. No more.]





	The Revelation of Steve Rogers

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: There is no relief in sight.

"I love you."

He says it in a breath, a shuddered whisper, in a dream. He dared not speak louder. It's 1945 and Steve Rogers is on the edge of a war zone. Tomorrow they march forward. Tomorrow they'll meet Nazis and punch the ever loving fuck out of them because six pointed stars are being collected like wishes all over Europe but every wish the Nazi has for each and every Star of David is for all the Jews to die. And the Romanians. And the weak. And the deformed. And those queer folk with pink triangles.

But Steve Rogers isn't thinking about stars at the moment he's thinking about how swell the moonlight highlights Bucky's features and just how beautiful the love of his life grew to be.

He loves him from the school yard to the war front.

But there's shit like Blue Slips and Pink Triangles so Steve confesses to his love in the quietest voice and hopes the world can't hear. It doesn't matter. Bucky is asleep. And so is everyone else.

That's how he let's it remain. Stolen upon the wind he lets his confession go and his heart settles for this moment. This time frame where war goes on outside but inside love is here. Love is breathing and living well in his lungs. He doesn't need for Bucky to know now, he's settled for this quiet moment where all may not be perfect but there's moonlight, snow, and night critters and he thinks, 'It's perfect for me.'

("I love you."

He hears on the wind. He does not dare to breathe. Bucky hears Steve and knows in his soul that he speaks true. With a sinking ship in his chest he prays to any god who would listen to break his heart before he has to. There is no time (no time!) for them.

He sleeps.

He pretends there is no life set on living with him in his hand.)

(Whichever god listened to Bucky's prayer must have been a monstrous god.

He fell.

They might have answered a prayer but must they demand a sacrifice such as this?)

~~~

The sky is burning.

"You know me."

He says it with such surety. There's blood between his teeth and his bones keep grinding together and there's a god awful gut wound that just won't stop bleeding but there's someone more important than him.

"No I don't!" He screams and the Winter Soldier is so tired. He doesn't miss his mark. He's missed it three times. Steve Rogers Code-name Captain America threat level six now turned eleven should be dead with a bullet to his brain, heart and spine but he fucking missed all three times and now his head is screeching at him cause everything is _wrongwrongwrong._

"Bucky," Steve says and he takes off his helmet. "You've known me your whole life."

There's seventy years of emptiness between them. There's ice and blood and bullets and Hydra that's kept them apart (technically, Steve committed martyrdom in the Arctic and Bucky's body was stolen again and again and again and agai-) but now that they're here there is no stopping this train wreck of Fate.

"Your name is James. Buchanan. Barnes." Steve gasps for breath and the air is filled with smoke, steel, and blood. This is the apocalypse the Apostle John must have dreamed where the world ended in fiery brimstone, falling wormwood, a seven headed dragon, and here in the pregnant belly of Alpha Carrier the sons of America tried to- [(kill each other)(kill themselves)].

_(-again and again and again and again and agai-)_

"Shut up!" The Winter Soldier (no- _Bucky_ -no) screams. 

"I'm not gonna fight ya." Steve drops his flag, his country, and all that is holy. "You're my friend."

The Winter Soldier (devolving, corrupting, lapsing) is screaming and everything is screaming with him. "You're my mission."

He's breaking apart. The light is shining through. The sun is before him and he hits and he hits an he is trying to break this figure of starlight shining through the cracks. He almost remembers him. He almost remembers the sun.

"You. Are. My mission!" With every punch a bone fractures but Steve wouldn't raise a hand in defense. He was too busy looking at Bucky and how beautiful he is. The Bucky who he loves is here, changed but here and don't ask of him to break his own heart. He gave his body, his soul, his mind but don't ask for him to take his heart in his hands and crush it. Gods may do so but not he.

"Then finish it." Yes, finish it. Take of him his life that he may never hurt his love. Would his death heal his love? Would his blood sate his love? Take, and eat for this is his body in which he shall give for the remission of his sins. This is the greatest love the world has ever known. "Cause I'm with ya to the end of the line."

("I love you."

He hears a voice with no throat. There is no time _(no time!)_ for any more because the floor breaks from underneath them and-

He falls.

No, not he, not again, the other.

Steve Rogers Code-name Captain America (friend)(mission) falls into the waiting river of poison below and there's no choice, only instinct, as he dives.

Baptism by fire and the Potomac is burning with oil, jet fuel, and bodies. He comes up reborn a new man ( _Bucky)_ with Steve in his arms and he drags Steve Rogers Code-name Stevie to the banks.

Stevie breathes.)

("I love you."

Not so whispered. Not so secret.

Steve Rogers will dream a memory of waking up on a river bank with a dark shadow cast over him and he confesses the only truth he knows.

The shadow will turn away and the darkness will consume Steve Rogers.

But the shadow knows. The shadow remembers a sun that loved him and knew this was true.

He still walks away.)

~~~

 James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes was ripped back into the light when a lot of people died and there were too few answers and not enough villains except-

(He's a murderer, assassin, villain. Don't fucking sugarcoat it.)

And he is nothing but a shadow of who he used to be and shadows hurt where they're faced with the sun.

(Steve comes back for him.

Steve takes his side.

Steve sets the whole world on fire.

Fucking dramatic punk.)

The Winter Soldier is still there. People like to think demons are separate entities but no. He can tell you. Demons you make on your own. There is no Devil to take the blame. 'It wasn't you, Bucky,' bullshit. He's to blame for the murders of dozens and no, it might not be him but he still did it.

Hydra only had to reset loyalty. He did the rest.

They're on a Quinjet and he can't stand to even look at him. Not in the face at least. And Steve gets that Bucky wasn't ready to face him yet. That the guilt is swallowing him whole if not for Zemo and all this mess ripping him out of his sanctuary across the ocean.

They go to Siberia. They grab their weapons of choice (a gun and a shield)(there's something poetic about that). Steve touches upon a harmless piece of history and Bucky responses in kind and Steve knows (he remembers, he remembers). And they go out into the cold side by side _(again and again and again and again and agai-)_.

("I love you."

Steve whispers on a breathe, a shuddered whisper, in a dream.

Bucky hears him.

He still walks away.)

They're invited to Wakanda. Steve drops his flag, his shield, and all that is holy. Bucky let's go of the blood and bullets and guns but can't let go of the demon under his skin.

He says, "I can't trust my own mind."

He wants to go back into the ice.

(I love you.

Steve doesn't say it but Bucky looked into his eyes and saw the truth of it there before him. He smiles and still goes under.

'Let me go,' he doesn't say. In another life. In another time. Maybe.

He died and rose again and he went once more but he'll be back. He'll be back soon.)

~~~

Steve Rogers can take a motherfucking hint.

It just takes seventy years, a whole load of ice, Hydra, and a couple of wars to make him accept it.

His love was here but then was gone. Given back and left. Found again and went under. Steve Rogers can take a _motherfucking_ hint.

He loves someone who didn't love him back or maybe didn't love him enough to stay and maybe that makes him selfish for wanting him to stay. Makes him human. But if there's a god out there that ripped them apart for Fate to put them back together and the whole world deciding to go against them well this might just be a fucking blinking neon sign saying, YOU AND HE ARE A MODERN DAY TRAGEDY. KEEP HIM TO HIS CORPSE AND LEAVE YOU TO YOURS.

Steve loves him enough to stay. But Bucky has left _(again and again and again and agai-)_ (how many times must they repeat this cycle). So he fucking takes that hint and leaves.

Steve Rogers takes up his shield, his cross.

He walks away.

~~~

He awakens and he's not cold. He's warm and everything is soft and bright. This is good.

There's sunlight and he turns his head to greet the sun-

_-but it's not Steve._

"Natalia." Natalia. Natasha. The Black Widow. He's never had a proper talk with her in a long while. And she's sitting here as cool as can be with sunlight shining on the walls and the red of her hair nearly glows in the reflective light and all he can think about is Catholic cathedrals and stained glass windows.

"James," she says and there's absolutely nothing in her voice to tip him off on anything. "It's been five years."

And oh does that tell him something. He looks around and sits up in the bed. It's been five years and-

"Where's Steve?" He's not here. It's been five years and he's not here. Where is he? He's not _here_.

"There's a god named Thanos," she says. She talks about a monstrous god. A god that just wants everything to fall apart. How he came to collect souls like the Nazis collected stars and he wished for Death like a lover would his beloved.

But Thanos was stopped. They were safe now. The Infinity War was over.

_When I went under, the world was at war. I wake up, they say we won. They didn't say what we lost._

"Natalia," Bucky says, "Where's Steve."

She talks about Captain America picking back up his shield. She talks of Captain America taking back his troops and starting a quiet revolution. Heroes came forward in the form of regular citizens (a pastor's son, a blind lawyer, a private eye, a teenage spider)(and more) and a new Accords was made by the Captain himself. She talks of a new Shield rising again but better because the Captain was there. She talks of mutants and how the Captain formed a steel strong alliance with them. She talked of Asgard and diplomacy's and Loki and it all just jumbled down to one meaning.

Captain America became more than just a symbol of American Freedom and all that shit propaganda sprouted nearly a hundred years ago. Captain America became the shining star of Earth, of Midgard, of Terra.

And Bucky hates her telling him this because goddamn it Rogers you had more than enough burden to bear don't try to carry the world on your shoulders.

She wasn't finished.

She talks of Thanos and how Captain Rogers rallied the troops. How his tactician skills was stretched beyond a battle front and encompassed entire worlds. How he had changed. How the sun grew too hot to bear. How when Thanos came and all of his uglies, Captain America was at the front lines. How he was bathed in blood. How he fought Thanos fist for fist and how he broke down.

She talks of a war won but when the dust cleared and there were no monsters to fight they collected the corpses and-

"Steve Rogers is dead. I'm sorry."

Not sorrier than he, no, no one could be sorrier than he.

For he had no time ( _no time!_ ) left and could not go back to tell Steve of anything. He has come back to a world without the sun and color seems dull now. For what is life without he?

And Steve (gods all bless Steve) has won the war and made the world a better place. Just as he had wanted.

He left Bucky in a world shining with his light but it is a poor substitute to the memory of his smile.

He screams in a pain no one would ever want to survive. He sobs great big tears that taste bitter in his mouth. He begs for any god to listen, ARE YOU LISTENING CAN YOU HELP ME I AM SO COLD AND SO ALONE TAKE ME TO HIM TAKE ME THERE.

This time the gods do not listen.

Amen.


End file.
